Cutting Desire

Before reading the article “Cutting Desire” by Jesse Ellison, I had no idea about what BIID meant and that people with such disorder existed. It is almost unbelievable that people want to make themselves weaker and less productive by disabling themselves. However, neurologists at the University of California recently discovered that this case is very similar to the cases of people wanting to change their gender. People with BIID are born with the feeling that they do not fit completely in their own body and it has to be modified. However, Dr. Michael First, a professor of clinical psychiatry at Columbia University, by conducting a study of 52 people with BIID disorder has determined that these people do not have mental problems. They are mentally stable people with an issue of having a surplus(es) in their body that has to be removed.

Even though many people, maybe majority of the people might oppose legitimization of surgeries for people with BIID, I believe it is their own free right as an individual to make decisions and be responsible for themselves. Even though the article says that the majority of the people with BIID seem to be middle-class white men there is a reason why it might be a false assertion. I believe that males are more willing to fully accept the fact that they have BIID than females or older people, who have to deal with more severe judgment from the public. In addition, there might be some cultural or regional factors why most of the patients are white males, but just this information is not enough to make further claims. For us, traditionally accepted “normal” people, choosing to be disabled is the way we understand the actions of people with BIID.

On the other point of view, an anonymous user called “TS” on translabled.org, says that being him/herself labeled as mentally ill is not a bad thing, but it rather is a least to start with to recognize people with BIID. For him, it is important that people start considering this disorder as an issue and conduct more researches to resolve the issue. Alex, Josh and TS all have this disorder and all of them agree that living in a lie, meaning that forcing oneself to believe that they are fine with their body conditions, is the worst human punishment.

There are many people in medical institutions who do not share the same ideas as Dr. Michael First. As Dr. Mark Schiller says, “Essentially from just claiming that something’s the case, people just accept somebody’s distorted version of reality and then we get surgeons and others responding to the point of mangling normal bodies.”; he believes that the more people are willing to accept a disorder as a normal case the more diverse and advanced it gets. He thinks that the recognition of "abnormalities" such as changing genders are the reason why there are people evolving to develop BIID. However, I disagree with his assertion as it clearly points out that such people are mentally ill, which is unfortunately a very accepted claim in public. Advancements for the issues regarding BIID will only be made once people will overcome their traditional views about them being “crazy” and recognize them as equal members of the society.

Definition of Health

                                                  Definition of Health

Since my childhood, I have always been told that I am a healthy kid. I believed that healthiness meant physical strength and well-being. However, a growing pain that injured my knees made it impossible to perform any physical activity that required pressure on my legs. Since I was 13 years old, I became more motivated on studying and gave up on basketball and soccer teams. A few years later I became more knowledgeable as a person than I would have been if I spent most of my time spent on physical activities. Regardless of my growing pain I was not deprived from being socially equal to any other kid in any environment. On the other hand, I traditionally had a “class clown” who would always try to distract students during classes and bully some of them during breaks. Since then I have questioned what the state of healthiness really meant. A lot of people think that health is something that describes one’s physical well-being. However, it is not always necessarily true. I believe that health is supposed to be describing one’s mental condition rather than physical. There are a lot of people with physical disabilities but, their mental healthiness proved others that mental power reaches beyond the boundaries of physical healthiness. Even bodybuilders, who represent the strongest and the “healthiest” groups of people in society, perceive themselves healthy in a different way. Roxanne Edwards, who has been bodybuilding for ten years is a great example of someone who reached her perfection not only through her body, but also recognizing her individuality and social position mentally. In Roxanne Edwards is a superhuman by S. Adrian Massey, Roxanne makes it clear that her mentality is a key to her success. In addition, in Against Ordinary Language: The Language of the Body by Kathy Acker, the author describes bodybuilding not from a physical, but a mental perspective, which makes bodybuilding look more as a mental art. Health is a concept that describes not the physical condition of one but the ability of having a stable mindset and making rational decisions.

          During the interview, Roxanne is introduced to us as a woman who has supernatural power and agility. In the beginning of the discussion, Adrian Massey asks Roxanne questions that show how she lives her life as a bodybuilder, which seems to be a better life than the one of ordinary woman. However, she later explains that it was her decision to become a different person; she had to convince herself that changing her body radically would make her life better and more meaningful. As she says,

“I know what their insecurities are, I know why they exist, I wish they would do something for themselves so they would not judge others so harshly…I am not putting a handcuff on their potential, they do.”

She points out that her mentality has reached a goal where she is satisfied with herself. She believes that people who judge her are those who are unsatisfied with their life and feel jealous of her. The point that she wants to make is that she has found herself as a bodybuilder and she is satisfied with it. She is healthy not because she leg-presses 1,025 pounds, but because she found her character in her new body. She is mentally relieved from the concept of “finding yourself” which keeps her mentally stable. Thus, Roxanne represents a healthy person not from a physical view, but from a view of a person who has found stability in herself and enjoys it.

          Compared to Roxanne Edwards, Kathy Ackers looks at bodybuilding as a piece of art. Just like playing a guitar or drawing, bodybuilding has its own understanding and “language”. She says that bodybuilding is “a language which is speechless”. It is very different than any other life activities; it requires counting, accuracy and consciousness. Breaking any of these rules can ruin the whole process and one might end up injuring itself. Thus, she believes that it is “a life in which meaning and essence no longer oppose each other. A life of meditation”. Just like art is meant to feed one’s brain, Ackers finds her joy in bodybuilding. She experiences a spiritual cleansing while performing strict routines on herself. Just like Roxanne’s life experience, Ackers shows that bodybuilding is more about finding your inner self mentally than getting your muscles bigger; she shows that bodybuilding is a healthy performance in a way that she meditates and enlightens her brain.

          It takes a great deal of mental power to convince oneself to make a workout not just a routine, but a part of one’s social life. It is not as hard to go to gym and work out every day as mentally accepting the idea that the struggle of picking up weights will pay off in the end. Mental power is far more important for a bodybuilder than just a physical endurance. It is very similar to climbing a mountain or riding a bike around the planet. They are all the same in a way that they all challenge one’s character. They are all very hard processes in their own way, but only a person who is mentally “healthy” can achieve such heights. Roxanne’s and Acker’s healthiness is defined with the same pattern. Both are challenging their mind and character to perform a heavy duty. A healthy person is defined as healthy not because one has never gotten sick in their life, but because one has established their mindset to something meaningful.

The Language Of The Body

There is a concept in society that bodybuilders should not be regarded as a mentally fully developed people. Kathy Acker’s article and Roxanne Edwards interview are explaining a main idea beyond the concepts of bodybuilding. I have been working out my body almost three years and I know what it is like to become obsessed with something that seems to be so dull and repetitive; however, Kathy Acker uses the word “repetitive” as a way to explain the important elements in bodybuilding. As she says, repetition is part of the body language that cannot be explained by any language. From my own experience, I agree Kathy Acker’s idea that repetition creates meditational feeling for many people who work out. It sounds senseless that one feels emotionally cleansed when lifting heavy weights; it would make more sense that people feel more uncomfortable as they try to do a heavy duty. On the other hand, I personally forget my life problems and responsibilities whenever I go to gym to work out. Working out until failure is the only way to build the muscles and there is a joyful experience when a failure is successfully reached as it challenges more of one’s character strength than one’s body capabilities. The principle of repetition and striving towards “failure”, as Kathy Acker explains, serves as a distraction from a world one lives in and makes one care about things that happen only in gym.

Roxanne Edwards, who has spent 10 years of her life as a bodybuilder, clearly answers Kathy Acker’s question about what body language supposed to mean. Instead of talking about a general idea, she talks about her personal experience. She thinks that her body has to be a reminder for women that they should find their own place in their life. She explains that she chose to be hated by many people, but her decision to become a bodybuilder brought her more friends and happiness than she ever had. She believes that her life has never been so great and wants to prove other women that they could also break any social or traditional rules in order to reach happiness.

Roxanne’s character generalizes the idea of why people try to “waste” their time in bodybuilding. People have their own definition of a body they create. They give it a meaning whether it is supposed to express someone’s strength or freedom from social boundaries (As it is for Roxanne’s case). They build their bodies so their body language, that has a meaning, could revolutionize the concepts that people see differently. My personal view on this subject is that my daily routine of going to gym 5-6 day a week has changed my life. I now see myself as more organized person who is able to keep himself healthy and more prepared to life struggles that require body strength. By reading and listening both information, I have realized that there is more meaning in bodybuilding that bodybuilders try to show others, but the socially accepted idea will never understand these concepts as it is governed by those people who never tried to do any physical activities in their life.